I've been on that grass...and I like my grass better

As a new mom I struggled with releasing my "work" identity. I remember moms at the playground ticking off job titles and identifying with those roles, hoping one day to get back to work. I yearned for escape from the long days at home with 2 toddlers, a basketfull of toys and a winnie the pooh vhs cassette that was worn thin from use. I wanted to work. To wear something other than my grubby stretch pants and to talk with people.

*************fast forward 12 years****************

For the past year and a half I have been working as a teaching assistant at an elementary school here in our town. I agreed to go back to work so that my kids could finish out their elementary school years there since we moved out of their district.

Going back to work after having not worked for almost 11 years was a HUGE adjustment. Not just for myself, but for my whole family. Everyone had to adjust to the reality that there was no person (me) that was handling all domestic chores. Home life no longer just happened, we all had to work for it.

I enjoyed working out of my home. And because I knew that it was not going to be a long term committment (i planned to only work for 2 years max) I tried to enjoy where I was in my life. It was fun dressing up, and wearing heels. And i really LOVE the people that I work with. My peers are amazing people. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I looked at the kids that i was nurturing and felt triumphant with every new skill they mastered, and with every confident smile.

But while the kids at school were benefitting from my years as a nurturing mother, my own children started to wither a little bit. i would come home exhausted. After a day of nurturing 22 little egos I barely had enough in me to nurture the 2 at home. I began feeling disconnected from my family and our life at home. The disconnect and the stress that created resulted in my becoming sick almost daily. I began to miss work, and that caused its own stress. I was in a complete downward spiral.

i say was, even though I am still working there. I say was, because I have recently resigned. Resigning was difficult, but it was the emotional seperation that was the really hard part. I've only recently gotten over that "feel bad" hump.

My teacher had a doctor's appointment today. I was supposed to cover the class for her. Last night my son went to bed with a fever. I felt horrible and torn. I knew I needed to cover our class, but I couldn't send my sick child to school. In the middle of fretting, I just stopped. I saw how all of my priorities had been mixed up and out of place. My life had gotten out of alignment. My son running a fever saved me. It reminded me why I am here. This was a choice I made and struggled with YEARS ago. It is the choice that I learned to love and cultivate. I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I love putting my kids and family first. Working outside of the home was fun and it was a new experience. But now, I'm ready to get back on my own lawn, because the grass over there may be good for the neighbors, but I'll stick to my green patch.

HOPE

I'm proud of you. I'm proud of all of you that got your asses up today, and last week, and the week before and went and cast your ballot. I am proud that you exercised your right to vote. A right that was not given to us, was not handed to us on a platter. A right our grandparents, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and all those that came before us, whether we knew them by name or not, a right that they fought for. A right that they sacrificed for. A right that they blazed for us in the HOPE that we would have a better life. Something better than what they had. A chance to make a CHANGE for good not just in our own lives, but for our families, communities and our world.

Our grandparents sacrificed so that we might achieve. Our grandfather was left for dead under the snow in France during WWII. He returned home with a dream to be a lawyer and attended college classes at Laredo Junior College. He had to walk away from his dream to support his wife and children. But he never let that dream die. He held onto it for his own children and his grandchildren.

It is our responsibility to remember what was sacrificed for us. It is our responsibility to BUILD on those stones that were laid down for us. It is our responsibility to lay down the next stones for our children, and for the future generations.

A tree can only grow as tall as its roots are deep. teach your kids their history. where we came from. encourage them to grow tall and strong and to look with gratitude and reverance to their past and look towards the future with great HOPE

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

hold your pee

i could say that I am old, but i prefer to believe that I just have a weak bladder. But either way it has come to my attention that I can no longer run and laugh at the same time. I am now a squirter. I actually prefer the term tinkle. that makes it sound kind of magical, like fairy dust is in my panties, not pee.

and it is so obvious when i "tinkle" because no matter how fast I am running, I immediatly come to a halt and squeeze my legs together - and then laugh a WHOLE lot more. Cuz at that point there is really nothing funnier than a grown woman peeing her pants on a soccer field, and trying to act non chalant, like "i didn't really want to get that ball".

i thought that maybe i should just start doing more kegels in order to tighten up those muscles. but i decided that maybe i should just stop playing soccer. frees me up for more vodka and lemonades.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]